You are not going to believe this!

So there I was the other day feeling sorry for myself and crying in my root beer (okay,my Pepsi) and wishing I could go back to my comfort zone. I am on my way to my interview and I didn't even want to go, and (I think) even hoping that I would not get the job so it would be my "lightening strike" to tell me to go home. I meet the principal. He is probably a few years younger than I am. He is Canadian and he is single. He takes Lorna and me around the school. It is brand new private facility that will only hire women who are native English speakers. (Lorna is from the UK).

I leave the interview and have the tuk-tuk driver let me off at the Russian market so I can walk the rest of the way home (about six blocks) and I cried all the way. By the time I got home, I was over the emotionality of it all. I fell asleep and when I wake up and check my e-mail - I was offered the job. I mean - who'd a thunk? The oldest in the class and the first to get a job. The school is called American Pacific University and I will be a kindergarten teacher.

Cheryl

Tougher Than I Thought

It has really been hard for me. Cambodia was what I expected, and the school was pretty much what I expected and even the food was what I expected. I just didn't expect to feel this way. I feel so inadequate and stupid and insecure, which is not like me; so, maybe I needed this experience to knock me down a few pegs and show me I am not as brave as I thought I was.

I just did my last job student teaching today. I would like to stay here in Cambodia and work for awhile, I am just not sure about this teaching thing. But I asked for K-5 aged kids, so I should be okay. Those are the ages I have been teaching the last two weeks.

I have changed my mind 100 times whether to stay here or go home. I really would rather go home, but I hate to be a quitter and everyone keeps telling me that I need to give it a chance. So, okay, I will see how the next couple of weeks go. I actually have an interview tomorrow, but I am not the only one interviewing for it either.

The reason my stomach has been in knots since I got here is because I feel so alienated.. . . like I want to live in a third world country by myself not knowing the language ? At my age, it is a whole different story than the smart-ass 20-year-old somethings I went to school with. WHAT WAS I THINKING?

Cambodia only gives you a month visa for tourists - so I had to go down to get it renewed. Had to go through three security screenings. Then they kept my passport and I have to go pick it up at the American Embassy tomorrow. Then when I get a job you have to get a business visa which means you have to leave the country and re-enter. Is that stupid or what? I will have to take a bus to Thailand and then re-enter Cambodia.

I tried to send my son-in-law some pictures to put on the blog, but I gave up after a couple of hours. I have been frustrated 85% of the time since I have been here.

More later, Love, Cheryl

Lightening Strikes

We spent the weekend in Siem Reap. It was a horrible bus ride. The roads were so bad and of course I had to pick the worst seat on the bus (over the tire) and I was cramped up all the way there and back. The heat was unbelievable and everyone was sweating like they never had before. I finally got some Cambodian clothes - very light cotton. I could not believe the difference in comfort. What was I thinking - wearing those heavier clothes? Took us seven hours to get there and seven back.

HOWEVER - Angkor Wat was something to see. It is the longest temple in the world. I am surprised that it is not on the list of the Seven Wonders of the World. It is not any less of a wonder than the Pharoah's Treasury in Petra, Jordan.

I had been having a terrible time deciding whether to go on to Thailand (as I had planned) or stay here in Cambodia, as I think I will be more comfortable. Every day they kept asking me if I was going to stay or go. I said I was waiting for lightning to strike me and tell me what to do.

So last night I overheard one of the young men say how he wanted to go to Thailand (he had signed up for Viet Nam). I told him he could change his mind if he wanted, but he said that the Thailand quota was already filled up. I could see how much he wanted to go and I knew the other kids who were going to Thailand would much rather have him go with them than me, so I told him he could have my spot and I would stay here in Cambodia. And I really am okay with that. I can always go to Thailand later if I want to. I definitely will go to Thailand, but probably not to teach.

If I had this to do over, I am not sure I would do it by myself. I really feel like a fifth wheel with 27 students in the class and most of them are in their 20s. I am by far the oldest. I told them I would be their mother and keep them in line. One guy is 27, one lady from Australia is 54. One of our teachers is 73. About 5 people are from the UK and one from France and one from Burma (now called Myanmar) which borders Cambodia. Most of the students are 20-something and all college graduates. Talk about feeling out of place. I guess it was this or not come at all. Who knew?

I am not sure how long I will stay here. The humidity is something else, but my room is air conditioned and the school is air conditioned, so one can survive. I hear tell that the public schools are NOT air conditioned, do if I don't get a private school, I may only stay a few months. I hear tell that the hottest months here are January and February - oh goodie!

Once I get an apartment and a new keyboard, I hope to get a blog going so I can put my pictures on it, etc. (Greg will moderate a blog for her in the meantime)

Send mail. I am already homesick.


Love, C