Tougher Than I Thought

It has really been hard for me. Cambodia was what I expected, and the school was pretty much what I expected and even the food was what I expected. I just didn't expect to feel this way. I feel so inadequate and stupid and insecure, which is not like me; so, maybe I needed this experience to knock me down a few pegs and show me I am not as brave as I thought I was.

I just did my last job student teaching today. I would like to stay here in Cambodia and work for awhile, I am just not sure about this teaching thing. But I asked for K-5 aged kids, so I should be okay. Those are the ages I have been teaching the last two weeks.

I have changed my mind 100 times whether to stay here or go home. I really would rather go home, but I hate to be a quitter and everyone keeps telling me that I need to give it a chance. So, okay, I will see how the next couple of weeks go. I actually have an interview tomorrow, but I am not the only one interviewing for it either.

The reason my stomach has been in knots since I got here is because I feel so alienated.. . . like I want to live in a third world country by myself not knowing the language ? At my age, it is a whole different story than the smart-ass 20-year-old somethings I went to school with. WHAT WAS I THINKING?

Cambodia only gives you a month visa for tourists - so I had to go down to get it renewed. Had to go through three security screenings. Then they kept my passport and I have to go pick it up at the American Embassy tomorrow. Then when I get a job you have to get a business visa which means you have to leave the country and re-enter. Is that stupid or what? I will have to take a bus to Thailand and then re-enter Cambodia.

I tried to send my son-in-law some pictures to put on the blog, but I gave up after a couple of hours. I have been frustrated 85% of the time since I have been here.

More later, Love, Cheryl

Finally Student Teaching

I finished my first week of student teaching. It was only for an hour a day for five days. I loved the kids and they were bright ESL students. It was an orphanage school. When I left I gave them each a stick of gum. Get this - they didn't know what it was. The teacher had to explain to them that you are not to swallow it but chew it until the flavor is gone and throw it away. (I can't help but wonder just how many of them swallowed it anyway.) It never crossed my mind they would not know what chewing gum is.

This week I am student teaching at another orphanage. It is a lot poorer and the kids are not as nearly advanced. It's down by the Mekong River and you wouldn't believe the poverty. Families living on small boats. It never ceases to amaze me the things I see.

Cheryl