It has really been hard for me. Cambodia was what I expected, and the school was pretty much what I expected and even the food was what I expected. I just didn't expect to feel this way. I feel so inadequate and stupid and insecure, which is not like me; so, maybe I needed this experience to knock me down a few pegs and show me I am not as brave as I thought I was.
I just did my last job student teaching today. I would like to stay here in Cambodia and work for awhile, I am just not sure about this teaching thing. But I asked for K-5 aged kids, so I should be okay. Those are the ages I have been teaching the last two weeks.
I have changed my mind 100 times whether to stay here or go home. I really would rather go home, but I hate to be a quitter and everyone keeps telling me that I need to give it a chance. So, okay, I will see how the next couple of weeks go. I actually have an interview tomorrow, but I am not the only one interviewing for it either.
The reason my stomach has been in knots since I got here is because I feel so alienated.. . . like I want to live in a third world country by myself not knowing the language ? At my age, it is a whole different story than the smart-ass 20-year-old somethings I went to school with. WHAT WAS I THINKING?
Cambodia only gives you a month visa for tourists - so I had to go down to get it renewed. Had to go through three security screenings. Then they kept my passport and I have to go pick it up at the American Embassy tomorrow. Then when I get a job you have to get a business visa which means you have to leave the country and re-enter. Is that stupid or what? I will have to take a bus to Thailand and then re-enter Cambodia.
I tried to send my son-in-law some pictures to put on the blog, but I gave up after a couple of hours. I have been frustrated 85% of the time since I have been here.
More later, Love, Cheryl
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